Part 5
“Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”
The most beautiful fruit of spiritual childhood is undoubtedly the soul’s total trust in God. Indeed, the most repeated advice in both the Old and New Testaments is: “Do not be afraid”, “Take heart”. Jesus taught his apostles through his life and words.
Let us remember when the apostles were in their boat beaten by the waves “And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, ‘It is a ghost!’ and they cried out in fear.
But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, ‘Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.’
And Peter answered him, ‘Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.’ He said, ‘Come.’ So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, ‘Lord, save me.’
Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, ‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?’” (Matthew 14:24-31)
What is confident abandonment?
In the hours of anguish, to regain confidence, let us think of the divine Master calming the raging hurricane with a word. The most violent storms are undoubtedly those that unleash sin in our souls when we discover ourselves so fragile, so incapable, so sinful. Like the apostles, let us listen to him tell us: “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”
And then we can answer: “With You, Jesus, I cannot perish; You are always in the boat with me. Nothing happens without your permission. You are the Almighty. I trust in your merciful Heart. My poor nature trembles, worries and says no, but my will struggles and says yes. Everything is fine Jesus, thank you for everything, I let You do.”
The logical and necessary consequence of complete trust is therefore total abandonment.
Jesus is the Pilot, let Him lead us to the port.
Let us read again Blessed Eugénie’s personal notes:
“Let us go and be guided by Providence, and with it we do not fear shipwrecks… Your trust will not be disappointed.” (Notebook 21)
Our collaboration is confident abandonment.
Abandonment means choosing to prefer God’s Will in all circumstances.
We find it all in Blessed Eugénie!
Her soul, indeed, experienced those inner storms. Let us think of her family sufferings, when she often repressed her tears by clinging to Jesus, her great Confidant. She also experienced the great temptation of discouragement in the face of her sins or weaknesses. We have a precise testimony of that in the answer given to her by the Father Superior during her postulate: a letter from Father Rabussier dated July 26, 1896 gives us the glimpse of intimate sorrows: “
“My dear Sister, he wrote to her, rest assured, I have understood your letter very well. You have told me: “I can’t think, write, speak or read any more.” My dear child, it is a test of inner life. Everyone has to go through it or something similar, as one must pass through the death of winter to reach the season of flowers and fruits. You then doubt because, “God takes away his grace from you.” It is just the opposite that must be said. God takes away the sensitive, but it is of faith that all grace remains to you, especially by doing what is recommended for the time of spiritual desolation.” (SEJ p.99)
She applied herself to it with all her heart. Thus, during a retreat, what she considered as “the crimes” of her past life made her fear her weakness. She then turned to God, saying:
“Yet your grace is even greater and stronger than my weakness, therefore I trust you and will not be confused.” (Notebook 22)
Spiritual childhood is not the absence of suffering, but a different way of experiencing it. Through faith, Blessed Eugénie turned to Jesus and abandoned herself to Him.
“My tasks seem difficult to me, she wrote, aridities, droughts, desolations invade my prayer, all my piety exercises… Here again, why not imitate little children? They are wrapped in swaddling clothes, cannot even make a movement to go to their mothers; in this state of absolute impotence what do they do do? Well! They open their little eyes and look at their mothers… I want to imitate these little children: when I cannot go to God with the sweetness of his consolation, when everything seems black, sad and dark to me, when I cannot see or understand anything, I will open the eyes of my heart through the spirit of faith, and I will look at Jesus, for there he is.” (SEJ p.99)
We also often find testimonies of her trust in the Jesus’ Heart, in his Merciful Heart. Our blessed little Sister recognized her weaknesses and look to Jesus with confidence. Let us cite that example, dating from September 1902, when illness entered her life and deprived her of participating in the community retreat: the annual retreat started almost at the time of her arrival in Saint-Denis, and, with a heavy heart because she was unable to attend it as usual, Sister Eugénie wrote:
“My Lord, during these first days of the retreat, obedience alone keeps me in joy and peace, I throw the past entirely into your infinite mercy, I reject everything that stops me, troubles me, saddens me, worries me, paralyses me in your love…
Why then, she said a little further on, why should I be sad since I cannot attend all the instructions and do all the exercises of the retreat? The perfection of the Holy Exercises and all the graces that flow from them are contained solely in the accomplishment of the Good Lord’s will. While I sleep in obedience, Jesus and Mary divinely put in my heart what they prefer to give me: the opportunity to give up my own will and abandon myself as a little child.” (SEJ p.156)
Here we find again the aspect mentioned in the introduction, that struggle to “let Jesus do”, which goes so far as to want Him to be happy and thank Him for it.
“This morning, she said elsewhere, hearing the Instruction ring while I was still in bed, I had a moment of sadness, of impatience not being able to go. But I said to myself: Well! this is my Cross today; thank you, God! Be eternally thanked for it by the Heart of the Most Holy Virgin. Impatience then changed gently; Jesus came, He spoke to me, comforted me and gave me the secret of finding Him always in what causes suffering.” (SEJ p.156)
Let us also note the touching resolution of simplicity and abandonment that ended one of her retreats:
“I abandon myself from now on like a little child in the hands of obedience, giving my whole being to it, but above all my own judgment. I want to believe without seeing, and embrace with all my heart what I do not understand with my head. My God, it is resolved, it is done!” (SEJ p.157)
Blessed Eugénie explained to us how she understood abandonment, even in times of desolation, by giving us a very telling image: to be a little nothing in the hands of the divine Artist:
“Say with love and louder and louder: Fiat. The good God takes everything from me: my faculties, my will, my heart, to make me die entirely to myself and make me live only in Him… Fiat! Be in the hands of the Good God, like the little ball of wax that lets itself be shaped as one wants; oppose no resistance, but let myself be shaped by the Will of the divine Master: My God, I want everything you want, all the way you want it and as long as you want it!” (Notebook 34)
She began the retreat of July 1898 by expressing that desire to the Lord:
“Receive me, shape me according to your desire, light in my heart the flame of your pleasure.” (Notebook 35)
We can conclude this section on abandonment with the fourth stanza of the poem on spiritual childhood. It is about abandonment that goes as far as to surrender:
“Like a little child giving themselves
Without calculating or thinking,
Since they know how to live thanks to their mother:
Could such support weaken?
So, I want to practice
The gentle abandonment of hope,
Trust my Mother,
Wait for every gift from Her heart.” (SEJ p.68)
This brings us to the end of our presentation on the great virtues that make up spiritual childhood, and that we have discovered in the way our Blessed lived them. Faithfulness in the smallest things has blossomed in the soil of humility, the purity that springs from the Heart of Jesus makes it grow and trusting abandonment bear fruit.
We can now better understand that the Gospel chosen for the mass in honour of Blessed Eugénie is that of Saint Matthew in chapter 18:
“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
